The New York City hookup scene has exploded with a bang — or, should we say, several.
New Yorkers across the five boroughs are prepping for a kinkier, more debauched do-over of last year’s hot-vax summer. As pandemic restrictions loosen up even more, the city that never sleeps is getting in bed with just about everyone.
“I wanna go to sex parties, I wanna have threesomes, I wanna do all that,” 22-year-old Queens native Kiarra Souffront told the The Post, mentioning she recently got into her first-ever polyamorous relationship.
After the last two treacherous years, what better way to blow off steam than by getting laid, said Oscar De La Cruz.
“We need tender, loving care,” the 49-year-old HR manager told The Post over a drink at the 13th Step in the East Village.
“Mother Nature has been beating us up,” he continued. “We’re getting sunshine now, and guess what happens when you get sunshine? You get horny and things happen.”
Spread your legs and fly
This en masse, pheromonic phenomenon is on full-frontal display at Madame X, billed as “the sexiest bar in New York City.”
The Houston Street watering hole — which offers risqué private rooms and erotic games — has seen an “exponential” increase in kinky parties booked in recent months, according to owner Amy McCloskey.
“Not just that, but we’ve also seen a much younger crowd coming in than before COVID,” she added.
X marked the spot for the polyamorous Souffront, who was there on a recent evening playing a sexy card game with friends, which had the group discussing such titillating subjects as their first experiences with masturbation.
“[My boyfriend] is seven years older than me and he told me, ‘Before I turn 30 I want to experience so many things,’ and I was like, ‘Yeah me too,’ and we discovered these things in COVID together,” Souffront said.
COVID hasn’t only made people more adventurous, but also more direct — no liquid courage required.
“I got asked to be friends with benefits with someone 20 minutes ago,” 25-year-old Joshua Wiscovitch told The Post on a recent afternoon in Washington Square Park.
“That [direct flirtation] is pretty much all I deal with at work,” the in-demand South Bronxite and Manhattan restaurant runner continued, adding that he’s currently juggling three lucky ladies. “On a daily basis there’s women trying to pick me up at their table, leaving me their number — which actually happened a few times last week. After the pandemic everyone just seems a lot more open and confident.”
The club going up on a Tuesday — and Wednesday
The nightclub scene — with its accompanying PDA and ladies shaking out of short, sexy outfits — has picked up like it was never put on hold. Patrons are again packing the steamy dance floor nose to nose (and mouth to mouth), even on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.
That was the case of Nebula in Times Square, where rapper Ja Rule headlined a “Tuesday baby Tuesday” party that had an electric crowd and lines out the door on the midweek night.
“I think [clubbing] is better than ever. Everyone is ready to live their best life, everyone here on a Tuesday, like out,” said Jasmine Shan, 23, a pharmaceutical graduate student from Hoboken.
The single Shan, who had started her day with an 11 a.m. bottomless brunch and ended it well after midnight, spoke of the novel ways she’s found to meet people since COVID.
“There’s so many singles parties where you can literally just go and hookup with people, and I didn’t notice that before COVID,” Shan said, mentioning that she went to one that was advertised on TikTok.
Some clubs are further embracing the new “whoring ’20s” era, splicing in adult entertainment into the already hot mix.
At the recently opened Wonderland on Wednesday evening, topless pole dancers and scantily clad waitresses entertained a packed house as the crowd awaited the arrival of Migos rapper Offset. Even surprise guests Nicki Minaj, French Montana and Offset’s wife, Cardi B, let loose.
“Are we gonna turn the f–k up?” Cardi B egged on the raucous crowd after sipping on a Corona. “Are we getting dangerous tonight? DJ are we getting f–king dangerous tonight?”
But even places like Wonderland are only scratching the surface for the city’s sinners.
“If you’re going to talk about New York nightlife, I suggest S&M because that’s where it’s interesting,” Anna Paulette, a 27-year-old from Midtown told The Post, adding that the “underground” scene of sadism and masochism clubs have “absolutely” exploded since COVID simmered in NYC.
Paulette speculated that S&M has offered those shattered by the pandemic a way to “deal with their demons” — which has led to a growing number of submissive types.
She recalled a recent instance where a man told her he fancied her “Matrix”-style leather boots and asked if she was into the lifestyle as the role of a mistress.
Upon her positive answer, “he got down on his knees and said ‘I will give you $20 right now if I can lick your boot,’” Paulette said.
And it’s the return of those erotic interactions that proves “nature is healing” in the Big Apple, per De La Cruz.
“[The hard times] are over, see ya later, bon voyage!”