My bro-tastic tastes in video games means I haven’t, in 15 years writing about this stuff, done the post where I pine for a Japan-only release to come west. That changes today with No Paper!, the game that turns a roll of john paper into a Nintendo Switch controller. It launched yesterday in Japan.
When Mike McWhertor first mentioned this game to me, I thought it was going to be some kind of Nintendo Labo (whatever happened to that?) hack. Nope, although to play No Paper! you will need a big piece of cardboard and a slightly-to-unused roll of Quilted Northern, sold separately. With that, and the motion sensors in a Joy-Con controller, you can play what looks like a rather demanding puzzle-platformer.
Are you giggling like a kindergartener yet? Wait’ll you see this trailer:
That’s right, the goal is to get a roll of asspaper to a guy sitting on the ’mode without one. The Google-translated Nintendo product page says [slightly edited for clarity]: “There is a man who is in trouble because he has no toilet paper! You start from the ceiling of the bathroom and work your way to the man. However, various traps await along the way!”
You’d think that checking the toilet-paper holder would be a priority if there are sawblades, trapdoors, and other hazards between you and the Charmin. This guy must have been in a real hurry. The downloadable game, by Takuhiro Miyazawa, is available on the Nintendo eShop for ¥600 (probably $5 if it comes here, like it should).