Life in plastic is indeed fantastic.
Standing blonde and bold at 11 inches tall with tip toes and preternaturally perky tits, Barbie, full name Barbara Millicent Roberts, was introduced by Mattel Inc. on March 9, 1959, at the American International Toy Fair in New York City.
In astrology it’s not only people but pets, places and plastic effigies that have birth charts.
In kind, March 9, 1959 can be understood as Barbie’s true birthday, making our girl a DOUBLE Pisces with both her sun and moon deep diving in the mutable, muddy waters of the last sign of the zodiac.
How unbelievably apropos that a symbol of unattainable female beauty standards who was built for play and modeled after a gag gift should have two major planets in the sign associated with dreams, fantasies, illusions, projections and the currents of the cultural collective.
Pisces is also associated with addiction, delusions and the permeable line between genius and madness. True to form, the original doll was co-created by a gun crazed, cocaine fueled, paranoia prone Scorpio swinger who once held his own child hostage. It takes all kinds, folks.
In honor of National Barbie Day, Barbie’s birthday and the horror story that created her, we bring you a list of the zodiac signs as Barbie dolls.
Aries is ruled by war monger planet Mars and this limited edition Barbie is an homage to Athena, the goddess of combat, military strategy and wisdom. Athena Barbie is decked out in full military regalia complete with armor, shield and spear. In terms of the physical body, Aries rules the head and according to myth, Athena sprung fully formed and battle ready from the brow of her daddy Zeus.
Emerald Embers Barbie
Apropos of a sign that is aroused by the sight of cold hard cash and the scent of fresh cut grass, the birth stone of Taurus is emerald and the pastoral power color of the fixed earth sign is green. Rich green reigns supreme in the Emerald Embers Barbie doll, designed by Bob Mackie who famously outfitted apex Taurus Cher, the crown jewel of the herd.
The Barbie Look Barbie Doll City Chic Style
Released during Gemini season in 2K17, the City Chic Style doll bears a striking resemblance to Gemini twins Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen; oversized sweater, apathetic expression, face blocking sunglasses and an enormous coffee cup. Gemini is ruled by messenger planet Mercury and lords over the third house of communication and social exchange. In kind, this doll comes correct with cellphone, notebook and her own Instagram account.
Cancer is ruled by the moon and as such is a moody master of harnessing the power of raw human emotion. In kind, Storm has hair that suggests moonlight and a CV that maintains, “she confounds enemies with her ability to manipulate weather and the atmosphere.” Cancer folk similarly confound friends, enemies, lovers and therapists with their ability to hijack the vibe and shape the emotional weather of any scenario.
Andy Warhol Barbie
IRL Leo Andy Warhol prophesied that in the future, everyone would be famous for fifteen minutes, a sentiment held close to the heart of all lions and a style made manifest in this limited edition Barbie. Famously proud and borderline boastful, Leo rules the fifth house of creativity and self-expression. True to form this doll accessorizes with paintbrushes, paint colors, a tiny Polaroid camera, and a miniature painting of herself.
A mutable earth sign, Virgo rules the sixth house of bodily health and daily rituals and is known for being a rigid perfectionist. Malibu Barbie, the most aspirational doll of them all, displays the fruits of her daily labors with her perfectly straight hair, impossible posture, sun kissed skin and vaguely judgmental visage. In addition, this poor unfortunate soul, whose mother actually named her Malibu Barbie, was born under the sign of Virgo.
Libra is ruled by planet Venus and the Anemone doll looks like the red carpet ready incarnation of the goddess herself. Aesthetically sensitive, impeccably curated and aspirational when it comes to fashion and home interiors, Libras often suffer with the inertia of indecision. In kind, this Barbie body type is known as the ModelMuse noteworthy for, “being stuck in one static pose that’s meant to resemble the way a runway model would pose on the catwalk.”
Check out more of The Post’s food astrology content:
Cat Burglar Barbie
Cat Burglar Barbie was designed by Christian Louboutin himself and was released during the witching hour that is Scorpio season. Rulers of the eighth house of sex, death and other people’s money it tracks that the ideal doll for Scorpio would be secretive, criminally inclined and look absolutely fire in a black latex catsuit. To boot, or doll as it were, the Cat Burglar rocks red hair, a quality oft associated with planet Mars, the ancient ruler of Scorpio.
Tina Turner Barbie
Barbie honored iconic Sagittarius Tina Turner in 2022 with the release of a doll that paid aesthetic homage to the Queen of Rock n’ Roll herself. Rocking leather and denim with wild hair and nary a f – – k to give, Turner is an apex archer and her doll a fitting symbol for the indomitable Sag spirit.
Madam C.J. Walker Barbie
Madam C.J. Walker, the first self-made American female millionaire and a card carrying Capricorn, was immortalized by Barbie as part of their line of Inspiring Women dolls. Ruled as they are by hard luck, tough love planet Saturn, Caps usually overcome difficult circumstances determined to succeed at all costs and build/leave something of lasting value. Walker is no exception, the daughter of slaves, she developed a hair care empire out of necessity and in the process, created “the blueprint for the self-made American businesswoman and innovators of the twentieth century.”
Goddess of the Galaxy Barbie
Aquarius is the visionary of the zodiac who dares to dream, deigns to rule and is associated with outer space, metallic surfaces, winged eyeliner and uncompromising fashion. Apropos of this, the Goddess of the Galaxy doll carries the air of an air sign born to conquer, and bears a striking resemblance to water bearer Paris Hilton who maintains, “Barbie is my role model. She might not do anything, but she looks good doing it.” A poem.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Breathe With Me Barbie
Pisces rules the twelfth house of the unconscious mind and spirituality, the natural domain of dharma and down dogs. Enter Breathe With Me Barbie, rocking her cloud pajamas and reciting meditations at the press of a button. Pisces is emo AF and can’t say no to an orphaned animal or ne’er-do-well human. Fittingly, Breathe With Me Barbie comes correct with a collection of emojis that express how her pet dog is feeling. Add to this that Pisces is the sign most commonly associated with religious delusions and this fanatic Christian influencer accused the doll of pushing a secret Satanic agenda.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.